


A World Alone

by fullgallantry



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Experimental, M/M, The Craft, but make it gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:15:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullgallantry/pseuds/fullgallantry
Summary: Alex, Bobby, Reggie, and Luke find themselves intertwined inseparably after a chance meeting with a woman that gives them a gift they can't control. Connecting to one another proves to be their only saving grace, and the arrival of another, Willie, solidifies the only truth they can't run from; You can't escape the loneliness that lives inside you.
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie & Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Luke Patterson & Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby & Alex & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 47





	1. The Fool

**Author's Note:**

> Forenote: This is a very experimental piece I've been thinking about for a while. There will be major themes of death, loneliness, and depression. If any of these topics are triggering to you, or will leave your feeling uncomfortable, I have to discourage you from reading. This piece is made in an attempt to deal with larger turmoil in my life, and I hope sharing the resolution of the work will be as cathartic for you as it is for me. 
> 
> If you so choose to continue reading, thank you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protagonist(s).

**ALEX**  
  
Deep breath in. Hold it. Let it out.   
  
His fingers hold carefully onto the railing, his feet just peeking over the cement wall. Down about twenty feet, the railroad. He hears the train. The unmistakable thunder that it rides on, the feeling of power that surges through the wires as it approaches. He shifts his grip, releasing his fingers every few minutes to stave off the cold. If he's careful, if he's done the math right, he can do it.  
  
And he won't feel a thing.   
  
**REGGIE** and **BOBBY  
  
** The sound of bells fills the air, the arcade lights flashing around them. Reggie greedily pulls the tickets from the machine, holding them over his head triumphantly. "You're embarrassing." Bobby says, plainly. He presses a straw to his lips, sucking gently to get the carbonated liquid into his mouth. Reggie's face relaxes. He lets his arms fall to his side as he steps forward, staring at Bobby the entire time. He moves forward until their bodies are touching, hand not holding the tickets reaching up to pull the straw from the other's mouth and place it in his own. "Is this supposed to be turning me on?" Bobby asks, eyebrow lifted. Reggie closes his eyes gently in response. "Maybe if you weren't such a dork."  
  
"You're mean!" Reggie cries, throwing his head backward. "Let me have my arcade tickets in peace!" Bobby smirks, moving his hand to Reggie's hair and mussing it enough to give it a completely different shape.   
  
"C'mon, let's get back to the dorms. I'm sure Luke is done by now and I'm tired of smelling pizza grease and little kid spit." They gather their things and head out, the tickets poking out of Reggie's coat as they step out in to the snow. The sky is a hazy gray as the snow falls onto the ground, piling up on the already several inches high pile. The sidewalks have been cleared, and enough people have been walking on them for the white powder to accumulate on the edges in vain.   
  
Reggie shivers, his hoodie the only protection he has from the cold. Bobby rolls his eyes, smiling. "Here," he reaches over, sliding his hand into Reggie's front pocket, leaving a small hand warmer inside. Reggie turns his head, surprised at the contact. "I can't keep looking after you, y'know. Someday, you're gonna have to grow up."  
  
"Why would I grow up when you're taking care of me?" Reggie teases.   
  
**LUKE  
  
** "Fuck! Fuck!" Luke cries out. The man inside him continues his onslaught, pounding away at him relentlessly. There are a few others in the dorm room, all of them naked or partially so. Some of them look like they've had their turn, others look like they're waiting.   
  
"I'm cumming!" The man under Luke cries, pressing his hips forward to push himself as deep inside the smaller man as possible. He smiles, feeling the warm liquid entering his body.   
  
Satisfied, Luke lifts himself from his riding position, stepping over to the nightstand where his phone has lit up. "Sorry guys," he waves it at the men. "Party's over. Roommates are on their way back." There is a collective groan from all of them, but they stand to put their clothes on as instructed. There is a practiced tempo to their labor, all of them moving as if it's the fifteenth time or so. Like they've done this exact dance enough to know the steps but not enough to be good at it. Luke watches all of them, taking in their shapes. The curve of their backsides and the weight of their manhood, carefully measuring and judging which of them he'll take first next time.   
  
Next time.   
  
The last of them leave just as Reggie and Bobby return. Luke has only barely pulled his shorts up when Bobby and Reggie enter the room.   
  
"Dude," Reggie gags, waving his hand over his face. "It smells rancid in here."  
  
"Seven guys, all of them sweaty and gross. Of course it smells bad in here." Luke shoots back.  
  
Bobby sets his bag down and immediately moves for the window, throwing the large windows open to let the fresh air in. "Fuck!" Luke calls, covering his topless chest. "It's cold!"   
  
"Should've thought about that before you invited the football team to our living room." Bobby smiles, moving back to his bags. "Seven this time, huh? Garrett caught up with his girlfriend? Andrew?"  
  
"Seth, actually," Luke moves for a hoodie draped over the back of a bar chair at their kitchen, slipping it over his head. He smells Alex's conditioner on it, realizing the pink fabric is not, in fact, his. "Doing homework."  
  
"Is Seth the one with one ball?" Reggie chimes.  
  
Bobby shakes his head, "that's Patrick."  
  
"Seth is the one that only wants to cum on my face." Luke has moved around the island into the kitchen proper, pulling the refrigerator open and pulling out a jug of water. He pops the lid off, chugging as much of the liquid he can get down his throat as possible. "He doesn't like feeling it on his own junk."  
  
"Strange," Bobby says, eyes downward on a notebook he's pulled from his book bag.   
  
"What did you guys do today?"  
  
"Arcade!" Reggie smiles. He pulls the tickets from his pocket. "I almost have enough for that bear Alex liked."  
  
Bobby's head lifts, his concentration broken. He looks over to Luke, who returns his gaze. "I haven't heard from Alex in a while. Have you guys?"  
  
"No," Bobby replies, immediately reaching for his phone. "He was gone before we got up for class today."  
  
"I'm sure he's just at the University," Luke says, moving for his own phone. Reggie watches them, a panic setting into his own chest.  
  
Before any of them can get their phone open, the door creaks as the lock turns open. Stepping through the door, beautiful, blond, cold, Alex.   
  
"Uh," he looks around at them. "Hey."  
  
"Wh-" Reggie starts.   
  
"What's up?" Luke asks.  
  
"Why does it smell so bad in here?" Alex waves his hand in front of his face just as Reggie had earlier. There's a silence between them, for a moment, before the three occupying the kitchen break out in laughter. Alex furrows his brow, shaking his head as a smirk grows on his face. Luke moves over to him, opening his arms. "Hey, isn't that-"  
  
"Bring it in." Luke demands, arms outstretched to them. Reggie and Bobby are quick to follow, surrounding Alex, who resists for a second before resting his head on the others.   
  
Separating, Luke holds Alex at arms length. "So, what are we thinking? Shower? Cuddle puddle? Movie night?"  
  
"I get to pick the movie!" Reggie yells, immediately running to the TV.   
  
Bobby rolls his eyes. "I'll get the shower ready, then."   
  
Once the other two have descended to their responsibilities, Luke allows his hands to slide down Alex's arms, stopping to grip the blond's hands in his own. "Everything alright?"  
  
"Yeah," Alex smiles. "I- My head was somewhere else, I ran into some stranger and we ended up talking."  
  
"Oh?" Luke smiles. "Are they cute? Did you get their number?"  
  
"Ah, no, nothing so significant." Alex shakes his head. "He's cool, but I ended up leaving pretty quickly after the initial conversation ended..." He trails off. His eyes dart back and forth as they move toward the floor, hands grasping desperately at the memory, like a dream.   
  
Luke comes to his tiptoes and presses a kiss to the other's forehead, lips gently caressing his skin. "Well, I'm glad you're back." He releases Alex's hands and reaches for the hem of his shirt, gripping it to pull it over his head. "Now, let's get that shower. I have... Way too much fluid that does not belong to me." Alex laughs.   
  
"Hey," Bobby reemerges from the room, stripped down to his underwear. "Shower's ready."   
  
"Movie's ready, too!" Reggie jumps up. He's completely naked now, having taken his clothes off while rummaging through their collection of blu-rays. He runs passed them to Reggie's room, pale body a blur.   
  
"Coming?" Bobby asks. Luke turns to Alex, who nods.   
  
**ALEX**  
  
Eyes fluttering open, Alex sees the gray sky, snow carefully landing on his face. He's on the bridge, the train passing underneath him. It takes a minute for his thoughts to come back to him, but once they do, he realizes his head is resting in someone's lap. The person looks down at him, smiling. "You're awake."  
  
He struggles for a second, but there's no strength in his limbs. He feels the weight of reality slowly start to set in again, the truth of the world exposing itself for a second before he can cover it up again in his mind.  
  
The man pushing a lock of his hair behind his ear, fingers gently on Alex's face. He strokes the the blond's face, knuckles barely ghosting over cheeks. "Are you alright?"  
  
"What happened?" Alex asks.   
  
"I was riding my board when I saw you passed out on the bridge. You've been out for a while, probably ten minutes or so. I called the ambulance, if you wanna wait and have them check you out?"  
  
Alex feels his body come back to him and sits up. Looking at the other more fully, he's happy it's him and not Luke, or Reggie, or Bobby. Though, considering his options, he's regretful that he was found at all. "Thank you. I'm fine, really." He moves to stand on his feet, legs wobbling as he does. He resembles a baby deer, standing on it's own legs for the first time, knowing full and well how to walk but not quite in practice yet. "I appreciate it, really, but I should get home. My friends are probably waiting for me."  
  
"It's no problem, man. I'm glad you're alright."  
  
"Can I-" Alex pushes his hair out of his face. "I'm Alex." He extends his hand to the other.   
  
"Nice to meet you, Alex. My name is Willie."  
  
  



	2. The Magician

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Potential.

**ALEX  
  
** The fan in the room spins to create the only noise in the room. It's not empty by any means, there are traces of a life within these walls. There are photos of a family, nick knacks from places traveled, proof that someone works here, that someone has been here before. Alex stares blankly at the wall, fingers tapping impatiently at the rough fabric of the chair he sits in. It's large, ornate, covered in stitched flowers in pinks and blues and lesser greens. It matches the theme of furniture, all of it organic looking, as if picked straight from the vine and delivered to the room by god themselves.   
  
The door bursts open and Alex sits up, a welcome bit of chaos to the order and resonance of the room. "My apologies, Alex." A man stands in front of him, proper, well dressed. His cardigan splits well below his chest, a soft blue button up underneath. He looks the same as he always does. "My last session went on a little longer than I anticipated. Please, please. Let's get started." He's fumbling for a pen and paper in the bag he'd walked in with slung over his shoulder. He's young. How young, Alex can't tell, but at most only twice his age. The gray at his temples look like it's been there a while, like it set in years ago. Then again, maybe the gray was always there. He can't remember.   
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
"I'm well. How are you?"  
  
"Doing good. The wife and I are going on vacation in the States pretty soon. Colorado. I told you that last session, remember?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"And how is your memory lately? Are you losing any time?"  
  
"A bit, here and there."  
  
"Has anything happened recently?"  
  
"Like-?"  
  
"Like anything. Anything significant you want to talk about."  
  
The cold gray sky flashes in his mind. Willie's face, for a moment, for a flash, like lightning, then nothing. "No. Nothing really interesting."  
  
"A slow week is better than a chaotic week, I think. How are things going with your roommates? You guys were friends before, right?"  
  
"Yeah, we've been talking online for a long time. We even talked about starting a band."  
  
"Oh!" He jumps like he's sat on a tack. "I almost forgot." Reaching down to his bag, he fishes out a piece of paper, holding it out to Alex. "There is a very small show playing in downtown Toronto tomorrow night. I saw this flyer and immediately thought of you."  
  
He smirks. "You did?"  
  
"Of course," the man replies. His expression softens as Alex takes the sheet of paper from his hand. "How is your situation working? Your roommates are still being affectionate?"  
  
Alex nods, wordlessly.   
  
"That's good. Tell me about that, what goes on on the daily?"  
  
"Depends on the day. Most days, we spend time together. They're not shy about holding hands or hugging or kissing. Reggie and Bobby have started having sex pretty regularly. I don't get involved with that."  
  
He's writing pretty furiously. "I see. So the emotional intimacy has started to become physical intimacy. Are you alright with it? The touching?"  
  
"I am. It makes me feel.... I don't know."  
  
"You do, come on. You can tell me."  
  
"It makes me feel good. To feel them, I mean. For them to be close to me. I like it. It's warm."  
  
"That's great, Alex. I can't applaud you enough for taking a step to include your friends in your therapy. A good support system will do you wonders. I do want to monitor your involvement with the physical intimacy, it sounds like your friends have taken to it pretty naturally. Let's agree that you'll be honest about your wants and needs."  
  
Alex nods again, saying nothing.   
  
"I don't want you to feel pressured, but I also want you to be able to explore these thoughts and ideas with people you feel safe with. If that's Reggie, Bobby, and Liam-"  
  
"Luke."  
  
"Luke, of course. If that's Reggie, Bobby, and Luke, then I'm happy for you."  
  
The sound of the fan fills the room again as the man scrapes his pen over the paper, making notes.   
  
"Have you had any thoughts of suicide lately?"  
  
Silence.   
  
"It's been a while since your last attempt, hasn't it?"  
  
_Thunder. The train shaking the bridge. The fall. The crash._  
  
"That's something to celebrate! The farther away you get from that time, the better off you'll be."  
  
_Blood. Pain. Crying. Where's my mom? Please. Help me._  
  
"Alex?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You blanked there for a second. I asked if you feel safe in your home?"  
  
"I do, yeah." Alex whispers, clearing his throat. "My friends and I always spend time together at night, and we usually sleep in the same room. Especially now since it's cold. It's harder in the summer."  
  
He nods. "Excellent. I want to keep an eye on your home life for a while, and I'm going to schedule a check up with you next week. The temperature change and the lack of sun effect a lot of people with mental health issues pretty negatively. If you start to feel like your regressing, even a little bit, don't hesitate to call me."  
  
Alex pushes the hair out of his face. "I will."  
  
The man smiles at him. "Good. Now, I know this has been a hard topic for you for a while, but we need to explore it. We agreed last week that we'd give it a little time. Are you in a mentally stable place enough to talk about your parents?"  
  
**REGGIE**  
  
Reggie's eyes shoot open. The clock sitting on the nightstand reads 3:32 AM. He sits up, rubbing his eyes, trying to get used to the dark, but a light prevents him from adjusting. Looking around the bed, he pulls Bobby's hand off his waist and lays it gently on Luke as he squeezes out from between the two of them, trotting carefully to the kitchen. Alex turns to him, moving quickly to turn the light back off. "It's alright," Reggie whispers, smiling. Still Alex flicks the light, leaving them bathed in only the overhead lamp on the oven. "You alright?"  
  
"Yeah, just needed some water." Alex lifts the glass in his hand. Reggie hadn't even noticed it until now. He watches Alex drink softly from the cup, rest still clinging to his body. He crosses his arms over his bare chest, the coolness of the room making his skin perk up. "Can I-" Reggie turns his attention back to Alex. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Anything." Reggie smiles. Openness is one of the principles they agreed to when Alex asked them to be his roommates. Always tell the truth, it's their rule.   
  
"I-" Alex starts, fumbling with the glass. "I want to know... You and Bobby..."  
  
When they first moved in and Alex told them about what he was going through, Reggie didn't realize what a profound effect it would have on him and Bobby. They were internet friends, all of them except Bobby and Reggie, who grew up together in a suburb of Toronto. Bobby and him were always in competition for the attention of girls or sports or something. It wasn't until Alex arrived in their lives that their relationship evolved. He's thankful for that, if nothing else. The first night they agreed to be more intimate, he and Bobby sat in his room until the wee hours of the morning, talking about what it would mean for all of them. The next thing he knew, Bobby's tongue was down his throat and his shorts were off.   
  
"What about us, bud?" He takes the cup from Alex's hand, placing it on the counter near the sink. He turns his back to the over, pressing his palms into the cold stone and lifting his body up to sit on top of it. "Don't be shy, we don't have anything to hide."  
  
"Are you guys together? Or are you just- Do you do that stuff with each other... Because of me?"  
  
Reggie's taken aback for a second, eyes widening. "What? God, no, of course not. Bobby and I- If anything, you gave us the opportunity to-" He chokes on his words, his spit the flavor of half a truth and the decaying corpse of a lie. He takes a deep breath in. "Bobby and I talked a long time when we first moved in with you. About what being open and honest with each other would mean. When you told us you need intimacy, I don't think I understood completely what you mean. Y'know, the only thing I know about intimacy is like, porn." They both share a small laugh. "I'm serious! When I think of intimacy, I think of the touching, the kissing." He reaches out, pressing a finger into Alex's forearm and running it up the length to his hand. "Bobby had the same idea, I guess. He and I talked and talked until we just-... Y'know, we did-... Uh... You know what I mean."   
  
Alex nods a short, curt nod, head pointed directly at the floor. "What does it..." he starts. "What does it feel like?"  
  
"What does- What does what feel like?"  
  
"You know." Alex makes a face at him.  
  
Reggie's eyes widen and his eyebrows crawl halfway up his forehead. "Oh! Uh, good? Yeah, good. I mean, it's hard to explain. I mean, you've seen us do it in the shower. Hell, you've been there when it happens. I don't think I can give a better lesson on it than that." He chuckles.   
  
Alex purses his lips to one side, nodding. "Yeah. Yeah."  
  
"Do you want me to show you?" Reggie asks, plainly. His tone is flat, like a matter of fact rather than a question.  
  
"I don't think I'm ready for... That. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for.... That; kind of intimacy."   
  
Reggie hops down off the counter, pressing his hand onto Alex's shoulder. "I get it man, no sweat. It's not for everyone, for sure. If you'd rather sit on the side of the shower jacking off while we do it, that's just fine with me." He smiles and it's infectious. Alex smiles back at him, the boys standing still with Reggie's hand on his shoulder for some time. "Can I give you a goodnight kiss?"   
  
Alex nods wordlessly and Reggie moves toward him softly. They're almost the same height, but the difference is highlighted as Reggie lifts himself a little to get to Alex's lips. The kiss is soft, precious. A moment in time that lingers until there's nothing but starlight left in it, the distance between it and the next moment distant and dark. Reggie pulls away, smiling his big, goofy smile. "You're a good kisser, man." He says, flatly, again.   
  
As Reggie moves to go back to their room, Alex reaches out, gripping his wrist. The man turns around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Before you go back, maybe we could... Try?"  
  
The next star in the sky between them looks an awful like like Reggie, on his knees, and Alex's underwear around his ankles on the ground. Reggie's palms slide and explore the soft skin of his thighs, lingering on the muscle of his backside, groping and gripping as he allows Alex's manhood down his throat. Alex splits his time between looking down at Reggie's gorgeous, perfect face and up at the ceiling, counting the bumps in the paint to avoid finishing too quickly. This is intimacy, he tells himself.  
  
This is Luke's intimacy.  
  
This is Reggie and Bobby's intimacy.  
  
This is not loneliness.   
  
_"I'm cumming!"_   
  



	3. The High Priestess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Divinity given form.

**LUKE**  
  
Luke crunches the cereal in his mouth, taking another large spoonful of milk and carbs into his mouth with a large slurp. "This looks awesome," he says, flipping over the crumpled up paper in his hand. "I'd love to go." Alex sits across from him, also enjoying a bowl of multi-colored cereal circles. "Your therapist told you to go to this?"   
  
"He didn't tell me to go, he just said he saw it and thought of me." Alex admits. 

Luke nods, "yeah, I'd want to go after an invitation like that." The snow hasn't stopped falling since they woke up. Alex and Luke are often the first ones up and going. Reggie and Bobby are usually awake at the same time as them, but are too lazy to get up when they do. Their classes are so synchronized, they make it to school and come back to their dorm room / apartment at the same time. Alex sometimes wonders if they planned it that way from the start, or if it happened after he introduced his therapy sessions to the group. 

Luke stays glued to his phone. From the moment he wakes up in the morning to the time they go to sleep. It's buzzing, whirring, lighting up with other people's attention. Alex is thankful that Luke spends as much time as he does with them, knowing full and well that there are a hundred other people that would love to be with Luke, or inside him, instead. "Busy day?" Alex asks, trying to feign disinterest.   
  
"Nah, just class and then to the show with you." He winks, smiling. Alex smiles back at him. "You going to invite the wonder twins? Or should it be just us?"  
  
At the beginning of their engagement, Alex told Luke that he needed to feel safe and comfortable, and that he figured their natural friendship could translate well into the emotional intimacy he looked for and craved. He had conversations with Luke before they moved in together. Spoke with him about girls and how he would have on and off girlfriends. He never made a motion that he might want to be more than just friends with a guy. Their first night together, Luke and Alex held each other in their sleep, bodies pressed together. In the warmth of a fading summer, Alex believes he saw Luke in his purest form. At his most authentic self. Jaw not clenched from worry, eyebrows centered and not knitted together in fatigue. Luke does more than enough for all of them. To see him so relaxed felt _wrong_ , somehow.   
  
Then, the next day, Luke invited a man over from some dating app and they had sex. Luke has been having sex with men since then, never another mention of an on and off girlfriend.   
  
Reggie stumbles out of the bedroom, stumbling shakily across the kitchen to the table the duo sit at. He presses his chest into Luke's back and hangs his head over the man's shoulder. Luke lifts a spoonful of cereal into Reggie's mouth, and he bites into it sleepily. "Wha-s tha-?" He asks through the milk and froth.   
  
"Alex has invited me to a show downtown tonight."  
  
"Ca- I co-?"  
  
"Ask Alex."  
  
A small smirk pulls at Alex's lips. Giving permission, seeing others graciously wait for his word. "Of course you can." He smiles, widely, matching Reggie's from the night before. "I'd love for you and Bobby to be there." Reggie and Luke both light up, faces elongating in joy, their smiles bright as the sun and just as hard to stare directly at. Reggie presses a kiss to Luke's forehead before retreating back into the bedroom to tell Bobby.  
  
 **BOBBY  
  
** The pulse that moves through the crowd is infectious. He can feel the heat of the other bodies around him, the music thumping in his ears. The band is live and their instruments come through the amplifiers with a power that hits him directly in the chest. He's lost the other boys somewhere in the chaos of the venue, their entry plagued by pushing and shoving. He'll find them later, he's sure. In the meantime, a blonde girl with a round face and rosy cheeks has begun dancing next to him, eyes locked on his own. They can dance together, at least for a little while.   
  
**REGGIE  
**  
Reggie scans the area desperately for Bobby and Luke, both of them lost in the crowd at their entrance. He holds tight to Alex's hand, the other gripping him so strongly. The tips of his fingers start to fizzle, blood unable to make it because of the other's grip. "Just hold on!" Reggie yells over the music to Alex. Another wave of people, another push and shove and insurmountable tide of bodies come between them. Reggie does his best, but by the time he's made it out into the outskirts of the venue, Alex is gone.   
  
**LUKE  
  
** Luke pulls Alex through the ocean of others, gripping tightly to his wrist. He can see the other in the strobing lights and the multicolored effects. He's pale, white like a sheet, and sweating. This was a bad idea. They make it to a wall with several chairs that's barely occupied and Luke presses his hands under Alex's armpits to lift him up into one of the seats. His head immediately swivels downward, sweat dripping off his face. "Hey!" Luke calls, pressing his palms into Alex's cheeks. "Look at me." Alex does his best to focus, but his eyes refuse to zero in on any one part of Luke's face. "Look at me!" He continues trying, but it's too difficult. The music too loud. The heat too hot. The body to suffocating. "I am so proud of you! Look at how far we made it in! You did so good!" Luke looks around. "I'm going to find some water and the others! Stay right here!" The amount of water Alex loses to sweat is worrying, as Luke feels the wetness in his palms after he's removed his hands from Alex's skin. He looks him over, sure that the panic came over him the moment they set foot into the line queued up to get in. "I'm so proud of you, okay? You made it in. You made it all the way in." He presses a kiss to Alex's forehead before commanding him once more to stay put. Looking around, he spots people with water bottles and darts off to meet them.   
  
**REGGIE  
  
** Reggie spots Luke from across the room. He moves toward him, pressing his body against a few people to get passed them. "Luke!" He calls, the music too loud for him to be heard. "Luke!" Luke turns, waving his hand at Reggie to let him know he's there. Reggie makes his way through until he and Luke are face to face. "I lost Alex!"  
  
"He's with me!" Luke reassures him. "I found him in the crowd!"   
  
Reggie breathes a sigh of relief, realizing the water bottle in Luke's hand must be for Alex.   
  
"Let's get him out of here!"   
  
"Find Bobby and meet us outside!"   
  
Reggie nods, watching Luke turn back toward the other side of the venue and taking off in a sprint. He faces the crowd again, ready to dive back in and swim the waves of skin and sweat.   
  
There's a small opening at the center of the crowd where people are dancing, moving their bodies to the beat of the music. Beyond Alex, this would've been a great show to be at. Reggie enjoys it for what it is for as long as he can before entering the center, spotting Bobby's gorgeous, glowing face dancing with someone else.   
  
Reggie stares for a good long moment.   
  
She's small, at least six inches shorter than Bobby. She's blonde and her face is uncomfortably round and her cheeks are a pale, sick pink. They dance together, moving their bodies against each other, smiling.   
  
They're smiling.   
  
Reggie feels a weight hovering over his chest. It's not a stone, or the foot of a large animal. It's more like the anticipation of something heavy landing on him. The feeling that it hasn't quite arrived yet, that something is waiting to press itself into his chest. To break his ribs and crush his heart. There's a weight that hangs over his head, his face, his body.   
  
It's shaped like Bobby dancing with a girl.  
  
**ALEX  
  
** The line for the venue stretches down the block. Reggie, Bobby, and Luke smile and laugh in front of him and he does the same.  
  
He sees himself. Laughing, joking. Like a movie where he's the center of attention and he is, in fact, the center of attention. He feels like his body is on display for everyone to see an everyone is, in fact, looking at him. Staring at him. Making note of every inch of his face and skin and where his clothes fall across his shoulders and the look of his pants around his legs and-  
  
His throat is dry. He feels a heat bloom in his heart and spread across his skin through his blood. It's happening. It's too late to stop it.   
  
_Don't say anything._  
  
No, why ruin their good time.

_Just fight it, you can make it._

The walk into the actual venue is so thin. It's hotter now, hotter than it'd been before. 

_Don't say anything._

_Just fight it, don't bother them._

_**Maybe if you were different.** _

Breathing hard. It's coming quickly and he can't stop it. He's made it into the venue, into a bit of fresh air before the heat pulls it right out of his lungs. There's a fire sitting right in front of him and he's the only one that can see it, that can feel it. Reggie and Bobby laugh, their hands still entwined. Luke turns back to look at him and he smiles, he can see himself smile, feel the muscles that it takes to pull his lips upward.  
  
 _Don't ruin this._

**_Don't be this way._ **

_Don't._

_Don't._

"I'm so proud of you!" It's Luke, trying his best to yell over the music. "You made it all the way inside, that's huge!"   
  
This is pity. This is charity. He watches Luke run off to get something but he doesn't hear what. His eyes are still unfocused as he returns to himself. He's back in control, the thudding of his heart overpowering the bang of the music that moves through him. He swivels his head one way, then the other, pupils pulling back to a normal size and giving him enough light to pull people into view. At the very back of the wall, near an exit gate, stands someone familiar.   
  
"Willie?"  
  
**LUKE**  
  
It's his worst fear. He returns to the chair he left Alex at to find it empty. He looks around, spinning in place with the hope that he can spot a motion of pink. He's wearing his favorite sweater, Luke knows that much. He jumps up, scanning heads. Blonde, but blue shirt. Blonde, but red shirt. Tall, but not blonde. All of these people the wrong people.   
  
**ALEX  
  
** Stumbling toward Willie, Alex makes his way across the dirt floor, focus slowly but surely coming back. The man's long hair is unmistakable as he disappears through the exit gate. Alex is close behind him, following through the gate. The air is much colder in the absence of the party. The snow that could never survive with the heaters and lamps at the venue falls out here without opposition. There's a thin coat on the trees that turn them into beacons as they reflect the light of the streetlights, the entire road lit up like the daytime. Alex runs across the street where he's sure Willie must have disappeared to, following a dim red light down the alley between tall buildings.   
  
"Don't go."  
  
Alex turns halfway down the alley, spotting Willie standing at the entrance. "Can I help you with something?"   
  
Alex's attention is drawn back over his shoulder. A woman stands in front of him, the start of wrinkles barely present on her face, long hair swept back behind her shoulder. "Sorry, my- My friend..." He points back where he came, only the cool wind left to greet him.   
  
She smiles at him, reaching forward to touch his hand. "You must be lost. Have you come from the concert?"  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
"Are you looking for something?"  
  
Alex feels the warmth that had overwhelmed him leave in the spot where his hand meets hers. He stares at her, eyes narrowing tightly at first, but relaxing as the tension in his muscles slowly diffuses. "Just my friends... I think I should go back."  
  
He turns to leave, but she does not release him. "What is it that you want, Alex?"  
  
How does she- "To be with my friends forever." The words spill out of his mouth without permission. "I want to be together with them, they make me feel safe."  
  
"And you've been seeking safety for a while, haven't you?"  
  
_The train. Thunder. Darkness. Cold. So cold. Empty._  
  
"I-"  
  
_The train. Pain. Where's my mom? Please, help me._  
  
"You and your friends should be together." She slips her hand deeper into his, their palms pressed taut against one another. "You and your friends are capable alone, but more so together, isn't that right?"  
  
_The train. Thunder. Heat. Where's my mom?_  
  
"You and your friends are better together. So much better. So much stronger. Why face this world alone when you have friends like them?"  
  
**_The train. Luke. Heat. Reggie. Please, help me. Bobby._**  
  
"You have my sympathy, child." She releases him, their connection severed. "May you never feel alone again."  
  
"Alex!" Luke and Reggie run across the street to him, slamming their bodies against his the second they're close enough. "Are you ok? What happened?"  
  
Reggie pushes his hair out of his face while Luke uncaps the water bottle. "Here, drink." Alex feels embarrassment for a second to be looked after like this in front of someone he doesn't know. "Why are you out here?"  
  
"I saw Willie- Ah, a friend of mine. The guy I met the other day. I saw him and I followed him out here and then I met her-" He turns back to her with enough time to see the back door to the office building closing. "I didn't get her name."  
  
"We can come back and thank her for keeping you out of the street tomorrow." Luke decides. He nods at Reggie, who agrees. "I think it's a good idea if we head back now. What do you think?"  
  
"Y-Yeah. Sorry... For messing tonight up."  
  
"You didn't mess anything up. We're proud of you for making it as far as you did." Luke smiles. He presses his hand into Alex's shoulder. "I'm sure it wasn't easy for you."  
  
"C'mon," Reggie flashes a precious grin. "Let's go home."


	4. The Empress / The Emperor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True power and unending initiative.

ALEX

The cold that had plagued him is washed away.

REGGIE

"Oh, fuck," Reggie whines, Bobby's massive member penetrating him fully. He can feel the man's balls slap against his own, a load more than ready to be pumped out of them and into Reggie's insides. Alex steps out of the room, rubbing his eyes to get the sleep out and take in the commotion. In the kitchen, Reggie's hands are gripping the granite counter top of the island, Bobby standing behind him with palms wrapped around the pale boy's hips. The sound of their skin slapping together is audible throughout the entire room, and he's sure people passing in the hallway can hear it as well.

Reggie looks forward to see Luke, hole filled with a football players cock, his friend riding the 6'3" jock with all his might. He's been at it most of the morning, like they have. "Alex!" He hears Luke call. Alex crosses the room toward his friend, and Luke pulls him in quickly for a kiss, his tongue shooting into Alex's mouth after a while. Reggie is sure that Alex is feeling what they all are. Since last night, he's never felt better. Everything feels so much more alive and real, every sensation pushed to it's limits. Earlier in the morning, he came without touching himself, Bobby's fat cock sliding against his prostate more than enough stimulation to shoot his load on the kitchen floor. Bobby wraps his hand around Reggie's throat, pulling his head backward to press their lips together as he feels the warm cum shoot into him again. 

LUKE

Alex's mouth is so sweet as he kisses him. He can't get enough, even with the larger man supporting his hips and thrusting into him, Luke can't help but feel like there could be more. More stimulation, more sensation, more power. "I'm cumming," he whispers, hands pressed into Alex's cheeks. Alex's eyes widen a bit as he sees Luke's cock begin to flex, warm cum shooting out and onto the blond's gray sweatpants. He bites his bottom lip, a satisfied look washing over his face. "Wanna try?" He asks. Alex's expression twists in clarity when he realizes what's being asked of him. He's not sure what to say at first, but the look in Luke's eyes tells him he should be curious, if not inclined to attempt.   
  
"Another time, babe." The man holding Luke's hips gently pushes him off, standing upright. He pulls his pants up and buttons them, pressing a kiss to Luke's forehead and then to Alex's. "Gotta get to class." He walks out casually, shirt in hand like any other day. Reggie lifts a hand from the wave before replacing it on the cold stone, Bobby still going mercilessly at his behind.  
  
Luke reaches down to the forgotten pair of sleep shorts on a pile on the ground, pulling his phone out of the pocket and pressing a few buttons before holding it to his ear. "Hey, Jason. Do you think you could- Oh, you're at the door? How lucky." Luke moves from their standing with a wink, padding to the door and opening it for another well built man, hard on already clear in his basketball shorts. Luke immediately jumps into his arms, wrapping his legs around the man's waist as he steps into their apartment. Before long, Luke is bent over the sofa, taking the at least ten inch member without fear or hesitation.   
  
ALEX  
  
No clarity comes from being alone. Though, he's not alone for very long. While Alex feels the undeniable pull of something that the other boys are experiencing, he also feels a strange sink at the center of his chest. his heart beats next to it, and it invades his breathing like a weed grown too far into concrete. The hot water gives him no relief, only serving to steam the leaves of his growth and allow it sustenance to continue, flourishing inside him. Bobby and reggie are quick to follow him into the bathroom, unable to detach themselves from the hips and continuing their three hour long cum dump.  
  
"Are you guys ok?" Alex asks, abruptly.  
  
Reggie looks up at him from his riding position, squarely over Bobby's pelvis. "Feel great."  
  
"No complaints here!" Bobby chimes from the tile floor.   
  
Alex furrows his brow. Luke has been at it for a while, too, man after man, cock after cock just by happenstance walking passed their apartment at just the moment that Luke might call them, or want them to come round. Even some of the boys he hasn't seen in months, just randomly in their apartment building, just close enough to campus to stop by. Alex estimates at least half the men have either been lying about their locations, or suddenly gained the ability to teleport.   
  
Getting out of the shower, Alex towels off while Bobby and Reggie continue. By the time he's leaving them, Reggie's heels are up to his ears, Bobby holding him in a full nelson, lifting him carefully and setting him down in his lap over and over again, gently thrusting his thick cock into Reggie's hole, on display and open for all to see.   
  
  
BOBBY  
  
There's no soreness, like he expects. There's no rest needed and no refraction to be had. He feels like he could cum in Reggie's hole forever, for the rest of his life, and feel perfectly fine. His balls don't hurt after his sixth cum shot and not after his fifteenth. He can feel the loads he's stirring around in Reggie's hole with his cock. There's no need for lube, not anymore at least. There's plenty of fluid in Reggie's hole to keep them nice and wet for the long haul. _Can't stop_ , Bobby thinks to himself, his cock immediately hardening once more, pounding into Reggie's happily waiting cheeks. _So soft.... So wet... Fuck, I'm cumming_ \- "I'm cumming," Bobby whispers, biting Reggie's neck. Reggie moans, throwing his head back into Bobby's shoulder, feeling another massive load painting his insides.   
  
REGGIE  
  
_Is he still thinking about her?_

ALEX _  
  
_Alex is only halfway across the living room floor when the man Luke finds himself on top of catches his eye. He can only see him from the back, but his hair hangs over the back of the couch; long, black, and tied up at the top into a ponytail. He feels a pulse move through his chest. One massive, angry heartbeat that moves him at his core, and in front of his eyes a prophecy plays out.  
  
He sees himself, alone. The world around him an empty crater, buildings half gone and all the people disappeared. There are clothes, he recognizes Reggie's favorite shirt and Luke's signature chains on the ground near him, and massive puddles of crimson red liquid pool into his shoes. He can feel a deep, aching regret flood his mouth and overwhelm his taste with a bitter recipe. White feathers fall around him, gossamer petals from on high. He looks up to see the same face he'd been seeing, the same curved chin and tanned skin he's been seeing out of the corner of his eye, the edge of his cognizance. The man he met the other night. _  
  
Willie._

Stumbling backward into Reggie and Bobby as they themselves make it out of the shower and into the living room, both boys catch him, holding him up. His breathing is labored and shallow, the pulse crippling his ability to breathe in air. "Holy fuck, Alex!" Bobby nearly yells, holding onto his half of the blond's body. Alex turns his head while trying to catch his breath, white feathers falling from the sky.   
  
"N-" he chokes out, his muscles now contracting against his will. He convulses, body lurching forward almost out of Reggie and Bobby's grip. Almost.   
  
"Alex?" Luke calls, pulling himself off the man he'd been working on. The man turns his head, his face most certainly not that of Willie's. He grips the chair, starting to get up to help when Luke reaches out and touches Alex's skin. The four of them, all connected, feel a collective pulse that hits them at once.   
  
Alex feels as though his heart might burst. It bangs into his chest like it's escaped it's housing, dancing around in a barnyard wedding. It scrapes and pulls at his chest and his rips, playing them like a xylophone and screaming terrible music into the world over and over and over until- "Stop!"   
  
Suddenly, the world is quiet. Alex feels his breathing beginning to return to normal, but something is different. Something about the entire thing feels wrong. The tension in his body is gone, it lifts into the air like gentle smoke after a candle has been blown out. The sounds of the busy college campus outside have stopped, even the birds halt their singing in response to Alex's request. The four boys look at each other, their faces twisted in confusion. Luke turns back to his guest, finding him half out of the chair, frozen upright. Reggie disconnects from Bobby and Alex and moves for the window, taking a look outside.   
  
Everyone, and everything, time itself, has stopped its forward progress. Nothing moves, nothing even exists in a meaningful way as the four of them do. They move, carefully, all of them investigating and finding the same answer. They all turn to Alex, each other them asking the same question.  
  
"Alex," Bobby finally breaks the unbearable silence. "What the fuck is going on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely said this would be done on Wednesday and it is now Saturday. Please don't @ me, I'm trying my best lmao. I know Christmas is over, but two of the Companions chapters I've been working on are almost done, so those will be going out soon enough! I hope everyone had a good set of Holidays, and I can't wait for the New Year. See you soon!


	5. The Heirophant.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mercy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! This year has been pretty wild. I'm happy to say that I've spent a lot of time working on myself and the stuff that's important to me. I hope you guys are taking care of yourselves and doing the things that make you happy. This story has been and will continue to be a reflection of my mental health, which isn't always pretty. I thank you forever for your continued support.

**ALEX**  
  


The boys sit around the table, all of their hands joined in a circle. They turn to each other, looking to each other, hoping for something to happen this time around. "On three," Bobby whispers, closing his eyes. The others do the same, each of them taking in a breath before concentrating. "One... Two... Three..."  
  
"Start!"   
  
Opening their eyes, each of them takes in the fact that nothing has changed, that time still remains encased in the amber it's been left in since Alex's tantrum. Reggie bites his lip, turning to Bobby who stares off into space without a word. Luke moves to a board on their fridge, scratching the word START off a long list. They're only halfway down the shopping lift of words to try, each one more of a failure than the last.   
  
"Alex, there has to be something-"  
  
"I don't know what I did, I already told you." Alex sighs, standing from his position at the table. "I don't know what I did, I don't know how it happened. I wish I did, I hate this as much as you."  
  
Bobby moves to him, palm pressed into Alex's arm the second he gets in range. "Come on, let's figure this out together."  
  
"I have an idea." Luke says, returning to the wooden table. He's put shorts on since the debacle began, but his exposed torso is paler than normal, like it's been without sunlight for a while. "Alex, you were feeling really strongly when we stopped time, right? I've been thinking, and I can say for sure that I was more horny than usual. Bobby? Reggie?" Both boys nod. "Maybe we were doing... Something to make this happen. Without knowing it, we were allowing our emotions to take control of the things that were happening. Maybe, if we make ourselves feel strongly toward time restarting, we can get out of it."  
  
They look to each other, all of them nodding in unison. "Alright, join hands."  
  
The pulse from their combined power is the same every attempt. They feel it when they touch, but they feel it more when the loop is complete. Like energy moving through a livewire, circling and amplifying until it becomes uncontrollable. They haven't kept their hands connected long enough for that to happen, however. "Alex, focus on something, something that can't happen unless time starts again. Did you have any plans, anything you wanted to do? Maybe there's someone you wanted to meet, or-"  
  
The face that pops into Alex's head is unmistakable. He knows well enough that Willie is the person who triggered this whole thing, the one who should be held solely responsible for the way things are going. Without Willie, Alex would not be in this situation, would not have put his friends in this situation. "There is, I was supposed to pay someone a visit. Alright, let's do it."  
  
Closing their eyes, the power begins to grow between them, a circle of light moving from one boy, through the other, hand to hand. Alex thinks about Willie, about all the questions he's received over the past few hours, over the past few minutes, seconds. "I want things to go back to normal."  
  
"What are you guys doing?"   
  
All four of them lift their heads simultaneously, Luke's naked friend fully standing in front of them. They hear the sounds of the city bustling outside. They've escaped their prison, for now.   
  
Alex doesn't take any time to explain or respond. He grabs his coat from the rack and slips his shoes on without tying the laces, throwing the door to their apartment open and rushing out of it the second he's clear of the entrance.   
  
What does it mean, to ask someone for something that you don't believe you deserver? Is it cruel, or unjust to expect your friends to rely upon you the same kindness you rely upon them? It is without fascination or ego that Alex asks himself these things, wondering in the deepest parts of his brain why in the world he can't simply tell his friends how he feels. He hates the part of himself that locks these wounds up like precious treasures, keeping them hidden behind impenetrable walls of steel and glass and agony.   
  
Even with all the practice, all the careful planning and open communication, Alex still finds himself tormented by the idea that he is not, in fact, welcome in his own home, with his own friends. There is always a part of him that will feel this way, he's sure. A virus that will eat at him and eat at him until the end of days, until the end of time itself.   
  
Pulling out his phone, Alex dials the one number that isn't marked, the one that had called his phone days prior, to exchange a number of words about how he was found passed out on the bridge above the train. He presses the screen, holding the phone to his ear. It rings once, then twice-  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Willie?"  
  
"Yeah, who's this?"  
  
"It's Alex, the dude from the bridge the other day. You found me, and-"   
  
"That's right! How are you doing?"  
  
"Good, thanks. I was actually wondering if you might have a second to hang out? I just.... To be honest, I really need someone to talk to and I don't really know who else to turn to."  
  
"I bet this is how you ask out all the cute boys, huh? Having a cute little mental breakdown and then using them for free therapy."  
  
"Wh-What?! I- No! Oh, my god? What the fuck?"  
  
Willie laughter feels the speaker. "I'm kidding. Come by Oaklawn and Terrace, I work by there. There's a coffee shop at the corner, you can't miss it."  
  
Before Alex can confirm or deny if he's even near the location, he hears the familiar tone of the phone's interrupted connection. Pulling the device from his head and stuffing it back in his pocket, Alex looks up at the street signs, wondering just how far from the coffee shop he'd be and how long it will take him to get there. To his surprise, he's already face to face with the brick and mortar building. Furrowing his brows, he steps inside, the small shop feeling more like someone's home than a place of business. Everything is decorated as if someone lives there, and only the barista standing behind a makeshift counter reassures him that he hasn't just broken into someone's place of residence.   
  
The amount of time that passes between Willie's arrival is both the longest amount of time one would expect to travel the entire distance of Toronto and to cross from one side of the street to the other. Seeing Willie's face again is almost transcendent. Every curve of his features, every mark on his skin, stained in Alex's head like the first time they'd met. Maybe it's because he can't stop seeing Willie's face wherever he goes, the omnipresent bust of a man he's known for all of two seconds.   
  
"Cozy, huh?" Willie asks with a smile, waving Alex to one of the tables near a window. "This is my favorite spot, come here almost every day."  
  
"It's nice, definitely. Kinda felt like I should be meeting the old couple that lives here and learning about their life story before I go on my quest, y'know?"  
  
Willie laughs, "you're really funny, you know that?"  
  
Alex turns his face, the smallest hint of pink stretching over his nose. The ease with which they have settled into this notion disturbs him, makes his footing on their relationship foundation uncertain. They've come to talk, only to talk, stop flirting.  
  
"My friends say that same thing," Alex admits.   
  
"You've got some smart friends," Willie nods, turning to the man that delivers his coffee for a second, nodding to him. "Alright, so, what's up? What did you want to talk about?"  
  
Right, what was it he wanted to say?   
  
"Sorry, yeah. I just- I can't really talk to anyone else about this. Even trying to put it into words now, I'm sure it'll sound so crazy."  
  
"I like crazy," Willie reassures.   
  
"I tried to go to a party the day after you found me. I got so... I don't know, in my head? I ended up leaving and meeting with this woman. I swear, I saw you, you were there like you're here with me now. She took my hand and she said I'd never be without my friends again. That we were connected- Then today, well... Today something even weirder happened." Willie takes a drink of his coffee, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Alex turns his face, unable to continue looking in Willie direction and keep a cohesive thought process. Something about looking directly at Willie pains him, no so much physically, but emotionally. Something deep and hidden behind his walls. "I know it sounds so, so weird and off, but we did _something_. We did something together and-"  
  
"Alex."  
  
The blond turns his head back to Willie almost as if commanded to do so. He swallows, hard, the ball in his throat growing that much bigger when they lock eyes. Both hands on the table, he can feel the weight of Willie's hand on his own, the other gripping the cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, I-"  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
Looking forward, Alex no longer sees Willie. He feels the world around him disappear, floating off into the unending ether that both creates and destroys simultaneously. He feels his body come undone, his thoughts left to fester. He recognizes this palace, this emptiness in stars and shadow, this grave of suffering. This is the place he is destined to be. He doesn't know how he can tell, but he knows that there is something about this place, something about the way it's shaped and formed and how it contours to his body that tells him, pushes into him, cradles him into the knowledge that he is not himself anymore. The only thing connecting him to the world is Willie's hand, an anchor of thoughts and choices and circumstances. How did they arrive here, in this place? How is it that Willie, of all people, answered his call? What would the others think of him if he told them all of these things, about how he can see the end of the world and himself standing at the precipice of it.   
  
**_You're just sick._**  
  
This isn't a sickness. This isn't a rot that eats at your brain until there's nothing left inside your head but mildew and bacteria. This is the way that things will go, that things have to go.   
  
_**That's not true.**_  
  
Alex feels his body wretch, pulling forward at the table. Willie's expression changes, not to one of worry or concern, but to one of understanding. He watches Alex carefully, almost measuring his response.   
  
**_And if it is?_**  
  
There's no turning away from this particular daydream, is there. His therapist's own words echo in his head. 'There is no version of you without this. You don't overcome it, you learn to live with it.' Meant to be comforting, but the ache of reality burns its hole in his chest all the same. Is this the fire he released on his parents? His siblings? Is this the lightning that lit the house on fire and burned every bridge he had come to know and rely on? Is this the fury of god and the burst of heaven that decides who lives and who dies in his heart, despite the fact that he's the one who put them there?   
  
Alex sees the world clearly in this place, more clearly than he has every before. It is not horrid, or wretched, or painful. There is simply nothing, nowhere to go, nothing to do. He feels nothing and experiences nothing. There is no bright flash or infinite darkness. Things simply are. This is the reality that sinks into him, that presses into his flesh until it's teeth leave marks in the pale flesh. This is the version of things that drowns him until his lungs fill with tepid air and his body grows tired of fighting the current. If there is not hope nor despair, what is there?  
  
"Alex?"  
  
The blond turns his attention back to Willie, shaking his head. He's back in the coffee shop, Willie's eyes narrows and lips pursed. "Are you alright?"  
  
"I-" **Is this reality.** "I'm fine." **Is this reality.** "There's nothing-" **Is this reality.** "I just lost my train of thought." **Is this reality.** "That's all."  
  
Willie nods his head. "Well, continue, please. What did you guys do that's so... Weird?"  
  
"Actually, I think I should be getting back." He stands from their table, trying to move for the door with the same quickness he'd left his apartment.   
  
Willie's hand catches his arm. Alex turns to the man, mouth open to say something, but nothing comes out. "If you need anything. If anything else... Weird happens. Call me, okay?"   
  
Alex nods wordlessly before moving for the door, Willie grip on him released.   
  
Outside of the window of the coffee shop, white feathers fall from the sky like snow. 


	6. The Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Double update. Regular schedule continues Saturday!

**REGGIE**   
  
Bobby doesn't know that Reggie is following him. How could he? Reggie is careful, quiet, like a door mouse. There's no way Bobby could know that he's being stalked like prey, being followed and kept careful watch over. Where could he be going? Where would he possibly have to be without his faithful, humble Reggie at his side?  
  
Alex makes a beat for the door the second time starts again, leaving the other boys staring at each other. "I think-" Bobby starts. Reggie is quick to walk back to him, wanting to feel his comforting touch, but feeling nothing but ice. "I think it's best if we all took some time apart." He understands, of course. With the world stopped and time wrenched in its place, it felt like hours they had just been locked up together. Days even.   
  
Luke is noticeably shaken, his own stuttering movement to get the man out of their apartment clue enough to the others that something is wrong. Reggie wants nothing more than to be with Bobby, to feel the closeness they'd just experienced back again. He tries to walk in Bobby's footsteps, to follow his marks in the carpet like tracks in the snow. He feels so much like a child, infantilized in these moments. A small puppy, born and brought into the world to serve a family who no longer wants him now that he's grown. He misses the touch of his mother in these moments, the soft caress of someone who wants nothing for him but comfort. Bobby was that touch. Was.   
  
Bobby moves out of the apartment without a word, shrugging on a jacket. He's dressed, Reggie notices, putting on more proper clothes. There's no class for him right now, he's sure of it. Reggie looks down out the window as Bobby makes his way to the sidewalk, strutting down the long entryway to their apartment and off into the real world.   
  
It's not so much that Reggie is not immediately offering information that makes Reggie give chase. It is the feeling of harsh winter that has replaced the fire of summer, the heat of their bodies aligned and perfectly molded to each other. No spring, no fall, just Summer, and it's immediate assassination by the cold.   
  
It isn't a struggle for Reggie to find Bobby where he's run to. They spend more time with each other than any of the other boys combined. They are basically the same person in two different bodies. That's what being in love is, isn't it? Reggie likes to believe it is. He slides ever so easily into the restaurant they've had so many lunches in, so many bro-dates talking shit about their professors or the way they want to hold hands but can't. Reggie is always the one to bring it up, but Bobby doesn't deny it, and that's good enough for him. Looking around, he's sure he can just slide into whatever booth Bobby has hidden himself in, share another cup of tea with him, eat some noodles or split a dessert just like normal.   
  
Finally, after more than a few moments of searching, he spots Bobby sitting in their usual booth, his usual drink in hand, but his other occupied by the soft, gentle skin of the blond woman from the night before.   
  
There are a number of violent acts that one can do to another to hurt them. There are several things that human beings are capable of doing to end another life, to stop them and their forward progression forever. To cease their existence as it stands and give birth to something new. Something terrible. Reggie stares at the two for a long while, waiting for a sign that tells him the measure of their relationship. They're just good friends, he tells himself. Bobby needs a friend he hasn't just spent several hours with. He needs a fresh face that isn't Reggie's to ensure that he can say all the things he doesn't want the other boys to know.   
  
Bobby leaning over the table to press a kiss to the woman's lips takes that fantasy and sets it on fire.   
  
Bobby smiles as he pulls away, looking into her eyes with all the happiness Reggie wishes he had. Reggie is Bobby's friend, and nothing more.   
  
After what feels like an eternity, Bobby finally turns his head enough to see Reggie. His face drops, losing all its color as he becomes a ghost. Reggie never wondered what Bobby would look like without a soul, but he's sure this is as close to it as he could come. Unable to control himself, Reggie makes a beeline for the door, ignoring Bobby's calls from behind him.   
  
**LUKE**  
  
The house is empty for the first time in a long time. Luke moves through it like a ghost, a shell of his former self. Something about what they've done has changed him. All of them. He can feel it in the way he moves around the apartment. There's a cloud that lives with them now, full of rain and thunderous anger. A humidity they've invited after they've stopped time. Did we really stop time? He asks himself. He walks to the kitchen, body still unclothed from the previous set of encounters. The chill from the refrigerator forces goose pimples onto his skin, raising some invisible hair that used to belong there. He grabs a drink from inside and shuts the door, moving back to the living room.   
  
There's nothing to do now. Nowhere to go that isn't susceptible to this feeling. Luke is so uncomfortable with this weight in his chest, this new vacancy just above his heart. It itches over his pecs, it groans just below his clavicle. He inspects his skin, checking the folds where he bends, the mounds of muscle in his arms. He touches his toes, lifting his leg over his head with variable success. There's nothing about him that's changed physically, on the outside, at least.   
  
Maybe it's something internal. He leans back, pressing his fingertips into his stomach. Nothing hurts. Hell, he wouldn't even know what his intestines are supposed to feel like, let alone know what they're supposed to feel like. He gropes and grabs at at every available orifice, checking the front camera on his phone and inspecting the insides of his mouth. He even snaps a picture of his butthole, checking it for anything out of the ordinary.  
  
"It's like watching t.v.," Luke recalls a conversation he's had with Alex a few days after they moved in. "It's clear, and you can enjoy your show, and then suddenly; it's just static. You don't know where the static is coming from or what's causing it, and then from one second to the next, the picture comes through fine again, like nothing's happened." He didn't understand it at the time, what it was like for Alex. Pressing a hand over his heart, Luke lets out a deep sigh.  
  
This is Alex's loneliness.   
  
**REGGIE**   
  
"Reggie, stop!" Bobby calls from behind him.   
  
Reggie knows he can't stop. Stopping would mean admitting defeat, allowing himself to be comforted in the arms of the very same man that broke his heart.  
  
"Reggie!"   
  
"What?!" Reggie turns on his heel. Step one to his eventual downfall.   
  
"Why did you follow me?"  
  
"I wanted to make sure you were alright! You left so fast! You left without me!"  
  
"Am I supposed to take you everywhere I go?! You couldn't go a few hours without me after we spent seventeen hours trying to figure a way out of that room?!"   
  
"If you hate me so much, why didn't you just let me go?!"  
  
There are tears rolling down Reggie's eyes now, his heart a drum in his chest. How did it become dark so quickly?   
  
Alex exits the coffee shop after his meeting with Willie, eyes locking on Reggie.  
  
"Reggie?" He asks, crossing the street quickly to meet with him.  
  
Reggie acknowledges him wordlessly, taking the blond into his arms. "What's going on?"  
  
"What is going on, Bobby?" Reggie shoots through tears.   
  
"I was on a date! Alright?! Fuck! I went on a date with the girl I met at the party! Can I go somewhere that isn't with you guys?! Can I live without the three of you in my face?!"  
  
"Fuck off, Bobby!" Reggie screams, the world spinning around him. He feels a pulse as Alex grabs his hand, the two of them synchronizing somewhere intangible.   
  
"No, dude! We're not together, ok? I told you from the start, I didn't want anything serious. We have sex, it's fun, you're my best friend. But I don't want a boyfriend! I want my best friend, Reggie!"   
  
The pulse grows stronger, moving through both of them. Reggie turns to Alex, the two of them locking eyes for a single instant.   
  
"I thought that was ok, Reggie! I thought you understood that!"   
  
"You know what, Bobby?" Reggie feels calm, the eye of the storm finally passing over him. The static of his mind finally dissipating and the picture coming through clearer than ever. "Why don't you just drop dead!"   
  
Reggie's eyes widen, something catching in his throat. He stumbles forward, then back, his body falling to the ground like bricks. Alex covers his gaping mouth, shock overcoming him.  
  
"B-Bobby?" Reggie asks, releasing Alex's hand. He leans down to his friend's body, pressing his fingers into the man's neck to check for a pulse.   
  
There isn't one. 


	7. The Chariot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War.

**REGGIE + ALEX**   
  
There is a certain weight to carrying your friend through the streets of Toronto. Not just the weight of his dead body. The weight that follows you, that clings to your clothes like a bad odor. It hangs in the air the same way that loneliness does. The same way that happiness and joy and despair do. Alex takes the smell into his nose and gags, unsure if he'll be able to make it to the apartment. They do, however. There's enough resolve in the both of them to make it to their apartment and drop Bobby's body on the couch.  
  
Luke has since put clothes on, watching the two as they scuttle in with the body in between them.  
  
"Wh-" Luke starts, staring at Bobby. Reggie immediately breaks down, starting to cry. He cradles Bobby's lifeless body in his arms, rocking back and forth, whimpering terribly at the thought of his best friend gone forever.   
  
Alex pulls his phone out of his pocket, gently pressing the screen. It rings once, then again. "Hello?"  
  
"Willie? Hey, it's Alex. I know we just talked, but-"  
  
A knock on the door stops him. Reggie's head shoots up, tears staining his cheeks. Luke looks between the two of them before stepping up to the door. "Sorry, Willie. Hold on," Alex steps towards Luke, catching Willie's face as the door opens.   
  
Willie pulls his phone away from his ear, sliding it into his pocket. "So, what happened?"  
  
Alex has to relay the events because Reggie can't get more than a work out without gagging on his own air. He tells Willie about leaving the coffee shop, about seeing Bobby and Reggie nearly immediately. He tells Willie about how he feels his grip on reality slipping more and more, about the visions and the dreams. Willie comforts him for a second before crossing the room to Bobby.   
  
"How long has he been gone?" Willie asks, touching the side of Bobby's face.   
  
"A few hours," Alex responds. He steps behind Willie, but can't see anything passed him beyond Reggie's shaking body.   
  
Willie nods, taking Bobby's face into his hands. He breathes out, long and deep, directly into Bobby's face. It shakes his hair loose. It changes the way his eyebrows sit on his face, how his lips part. He does it again, breathing in deep and blowing into his face once more. "Alright." He stands, lifting his eyes to Reggie. "Bring him back."  
  
"Excuse me?" Reggie looks at him bewildered. "What?"  
  
"Bring him back, go on. You killed him, now bring him back."  
  
Reggie looks to Alex, who stares back at him. Luke shoots looks to both of them before grabbing Willie's shoulder, turning him to look each other in the eye. "What the fuck are you talking about?!"   
  
"You heard me."  
  
"Explain yourself!" Luke yells. "What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is your problem? Our friend is dead, and you come in here acting like there's some sort of magical fix to bring him b-"  
  
Reggie's scream draws all their attention. They turn to him, watching as he repeats the motion Willie had made earlier. "His eyes!"   
  
"You can't do it alone!" Willie calls, turning back to him. He moves for Reggie, trying to stop him. "Alex, quickly."  
  
Alex follows as he's told, taking Reggie's hand into his own, just as they'd done before. Maybe, just maybe, if two of them could kill him, then three of them could bring him back.   
  
Luke doesn't ask questions, but he does hesitate when Alex offers his hand. He stares at it, eyes narrowing like its the last bit of poison in a bottle meant just for him. Still, watching Reggie, seeing Alex, he does just as he's expected.  
  
The pulse that erupts between the three of them is much larger than the one created by just the two of them. There's a harmony ringing in their ears, a chorus of voices that sounds just like the angels that sang when they stopped time. Alex looks outside for the feathers, but can't seem to find them. "Wake up!" Reggie yells, and like a burst of oxygen hitting them all at once, Bobby sits up, gasping for air.   
  
The scream that comes out of his mouth is one that rivals the most beautiful church organ. It rings out like bells on top of a cathedral, like the trumpet that denounces the end of the world. Alex covers his ears, his eyes like they'll pop out of his head if he doesn't. Reggie stares at him, mouth agape and indignant. He watches as Bobby takes in the world around them, retakes his body and his actions and the way that things are.   
  
Bobby, unable to comprehend the way that things were, the way that things are, stands up on both feet and makes a break for the door. He disappears through the door before anyone can stop him.  
  
"Leave him," Willie commands as Reggie stands to go after him. "He'll come back when he's ready."  
  
Luke rises from his position back to Willie's neck, grabbing him by the shirt and moving him forward until they slam into the wall. "Alright, asshole. Tell me what the FUCK is going on!"   
  
Willie's cool smile and pointed eyes land on Alex, who stands between the two of them and Reggie on the couch. He knows that there's something more, something more than he knows, more than any of them know.   
  
"Tell me." Alex says, quietly. His voice doesn't carry far, but enough to reach all of their ears simultaneously.   
  
Willie nods, gripping Luke's hands with his own gently. Luke feels his grip release without his will, falling to his sides. "Sit down."   
  
Once all three of them sit on the couch, Willie stands before them, pacing back and forth. "Alex. Tell us about your visions."  
  
Alex turns his head one way and then the other, looking to Luke and then to Reggie.   
  
"It's just-" He chokes on the words, unable to find the ones that make the most sense. A second later, he decides that making sense and telling the truth are not mutual exclusive. "It's the end of the world, in my visions. People are gone, just... Gone. There's this red- stuff, all over the place. Like water. I can hear someone singing, like a voice that doesn't have a body. It feels so much like when I tried to- When I tried to kill myself. Like I'm coming to the very ledge of the cliff and the only thing left is to fall down. Dive right in."  
  
"Like this?"   
  
Willie waves his hand and the power cuts on to the television. There are already several bulletins coming in over the airwaves, reports of people disappearing into nothing, leaving their clothes and a red puddle in their wake. Alex stares in disbelief, watching as his vision are turned into reality. He can feel reality collapse on top of him, the unending struggle and inevitable death of all things hitting him at once. He can feel the tears forming, the thick stream of liquid coming down his cheek as the things that he had feared the most come to reality.  
  
"Completely unprecedented, people have begun disappearing, sending the world into chaos." The man holding the microphone in front of the camera looks dingy, like he'd been pulled from his home just seconds before. "There seems to be no rhyme or reason to people's disappearance, we'll keep you updated here live on KSAT 12-" And like a bad dream, the man stares directly into the camera, like he's staring directly at Alex. Their eyes meet through space and time, through distance and expanse and he can feel the weight of reality collapsing again. The man smiles a truly, deeply content smile before his body bursts into a thick red liquid, followed quickly by the camera hitting the ground.   
  
"What the fuck is happening?!" Luke yells again, pointing his intent at Willie.   
  
Reggie rocks himself back and forth, crying more and more uncontrollably. "We did this, we did this, we did this, we did this-" He chants over and over, clutching pillows to his chest.   
  
Alex hears the chorus, the singing of angels from a million miles away, listening as more and more people simply disappear.   
  
"If it makes you feel any better, they aren't suffering. They aren't alone anymore.... They're with you."  
  
Luke swallows hard, staring at Alex.   
  
"You understand it now, don't you?"  
  
"I did this." Alex whispers.   
  
"Indirectly. It would have happened regardless, but you were the perfect catalyst."  
  
"I didn't want to be alone anymore..." Alex whispers. "I just didn't want to be alone..."  
  
Luke immediately moves to grab Alex, gripping his shoulders and forcing the boy to look up at him. "You can stop this, ok? If you did this, you can stop it." He turns to Willie, "Tell him how! Tell him how to stop it!"   
  
"He can't. None of you can." Willie stares down the bridge of his nose at him, watching the both of them without another sound.   
  
"Stop this!" Luke screams, shaking Alex with all his might. "Stop it right now!"   
  
"I can't! I can't!" Alex breathes out, head bobbing from side to side. The ringing in his ears is nearly unbearable now, the sound of thousands of voices laughing, singing, harmonizing all at once cranking through his head in one ear and out the other. It's the only thing that makes any sense anymore, the only thing that keeps him grounded.   
  
"Alex," Luke drops his head into Alex's lap, slamming his fist as hard as he can into the couch. "Please. Please."  
  
"Do you remember when I found you?"  
  
"I didn't survive, did I? You brought me back." Willie nods. "That's why it feels like this, like falling. Like hearing the angels sing and the world come undone all at once. It's because that's what's happening. I'm dying." Willie nods again, this time offering his hand to Alex. "You were the woman in the alley. That's how you did it, that's when you gave this to me."  
  
"I knew you would figure it out." Willie whispers to him. "Come with me. We can be done with this now."  
  
"You're not taking him anywhere." Luke interjects. He lifts his head, standing between Willie and Alex. "Whatever you've done, whatever you're doing, you're going to take it out of him- Now."  
  
Alex pulls himself out of the mass of notes and noises, lifting his head enough to see Luke and Willie at once. Willie lifts the hand he'd offered Alex and uses it to grip Luke's cheek.   
  
"Goodbye, Luke."   
  
In a flash, Luke disappears in a flood of red, falling to the floor as a puddle. Alex's mouth falls open, unable to comprehend the enormity of what's happened. He stares at the puddle, breathing uneven and labored. He can hear Reggie sobbing, see Willie's hand offered to him once more, but nothing else. No other way to come to terms with his sanity disappearing, simply unraveling like a thread from an old shirt.   
  
With nothing left to hinge him to the world, Alex feels his consciousness waning until everything goes black.


	8. Strength.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Action.
> 
> TW: Abuse Mention.

**ALEX - PERMANENT  
  
** It starts with the wind.  
  
Alex sees himself for the first time, fully, wholly, completely. He watches himself in other places, other times. Some from his past, while others from a life he doesn't remember living. He sees himself with Willie, as ghosts. He sees himself as the son of scientists, working with their robot gift. He sees himself as the boss of a gang, taking Reggie into his quarters to strike a deal. He sees them in school, at home, at work. A thousand different versions of him and them and their lives together. He chokes on the idea that they might be intertwined beyond discretion. The smoke of their interconnectedness fills his lungs, ensnaring his mind completely with it's threads. Following any single one takes him to a life he could have had, a life where he is with his friends. They are together, all the time. Never apart.   
  
He wakes suddenly, gasping for air. Night has fallen outside, and the sound of sirens fills the air. The flash and strobe of police cars on the street below are obvious as they flood the window of their apartment. As his vision focuses and loses the blur around the edges, Alex sees Bobby sitting across from him.   
  
"Bobby?"  
  
Bobby holds a finger to this lips. His eyes dart from Alex's attention to Reggie on the couch near him, sleeping softly.   
  
"Where did you go?" Alex whispers.   
  
"I had to clear my head." Bobby whispers back. His words are quick and measured. "What did you do to us, Alex?"  
  
"I don't know, "Alex breathes. "Willie said he'd used me as the catalyst... That this didn't happen because of something we did, or that I did. It was always going to happen and I just- I think I brought it here."  
  
Bobby furrows his brow in confusion. There's a beat of silence before Alex continues.   
  
"I think I need to go home."  
  
They stare at each other for a long while. In the darkness of their street-lit room, Alex realizes that he and Bobby have the weakest connection of all of them. They've never been incredibly close, set against the connection he has with Luke and Reggie. Staring at each other now, they feel like strangers. Is this part of Willie's plan? Is this because of what's going on? Or has it always been this way? Alex lets the questions run through his mind once before refocusing, the indignation of his decision settling over his chest.   
  
Alex stands from his position, head becoming light as he does so. in swaying, Bobby stands to catch him, pressing his hands gently into Alex's skin. "Careful," Bobby whispers, their eyes meeting once more. "I'll come with you."  
  
"What about Reggie?" Alex asks, casting his gaze to the couch.   
  
Bobby shakes his head. "Let him sleep. He'll be out for a while and I doubt we'll make it very far without him freaking out about what's happening."  
  
Alex finds himself shocked that he agrees. Reggie is incredible, but with Bobby coming back from the dead, he knows that Reggie won't let them get anything done that doesn't directly effect his getting answers about where he went.   
  
After ensuring tat the apartment door is locked, the duo make their way to the street. There are cars stopped or crashed all along the street, puddles of red liquid on the ground and hanging off the seats.   
  
"What's happening to the?" Bobby asks, moving down the sidewalk, disgust clear in his face. Alex shrugs, eyes never once leaving the mess around them.  
  
Bobby parks his car in the apartment's garage down the block. Together, they navigate the perilous street. It's quiet now, more than ever, save for the sirens or fires or random screaming or laughing here and there. There's a tone in their ears the entire walks, like losing hearing in one ear at the same time. It's not a high pitched screech that signifies that they're losing their hearing, but a soft and pleasant melody. There's something singing to them, but it feels almost too far away to hear. The ghost of a song that they know, one that they know the words to completely but can't remember at the drop of this hat. It's on the tip of both their tongues until they make it to the car.   
  
"Put your seatbelt on." Bobby says, stretching his over his chest.  
  
"I don't think the cops are that worried about traffic laws right now."  
  
"If you do have something to do with all this and you die, what do you think will happen to the rest of us? Just put the damn thing on so we can go."  
  
Not without the strength to argue, Alex does as he's told out of respect for the situation. It's true, they don't know how Alex plays into everything, just that he does have a part to play.  
  
Driving down the abandon roads feels straight out of a video game opening sequence. A thick fog has begun creeping in, and the snow continues to fall despite the forecast calling for sun. Even with the headlights on, Bobby can only see a good ten feet in front of them. Any minute now, a quick time event will start to keep the car on the road, Alex knows it.   
  
"So," Bobby breaks the silence that's fallen on them. "What makes you think you should go home?"  
  
"I'm not sure," Alex admits. "It's a yearning for something I'm not even sure exists anymore, y'know? It's like... I want to be somewhere I'm not sure is even real. I want to feel like a specific thing has happened, like there's shelter or a place to rest or something that makes this all make sense. The last time I can remember feeling anything like that is when I was home. The summer before..." He trails off, eyes pointed directly out the passenger window. Bobby lifts his brow, turning his attention from the road to Alex for a second before returning.   
  
They've never talked about it before, the events that led to his therapy. They all know there was something, that _something_ had happened to put Alex where he is now. He never shared it with them, even when he was at his lowest. Bobby wonders now if that was a mistake, or by design.  
  
They're silent for most of the drive. Alex navigates the roads back to his home, only a few miles outside the city. He begins recognizing the fauna not long after the city lights start to break. As they drive, the cars that have crashed along the road begin to diminish, the lack of people in the town aiding their escape. It appears that animals have been spared from the phenomenon, as they make contact with several cows and a few ducks moving across the road, free from their cages.   
  
It's not long until they arrive in Alex's hometown, the empty road less of an indication that the town has been spared, and more an indication that it's 2 AM in a small town. The proof that Alex's curse is here comes far too soon, as the duo drive passed a set of cars mangled together, the only proof that anyone existed in them at all the same red fluid splattered against the shattered window. They turn down a street devoid of street lights, taking a few minutes more to find the right address before pulling into a driveway tucked behind several trees. There's a light on in the window, a practice Alex's father never permitted. Either someone is awake, or there isn't anyone left in the house to turn the light off.   
  
The bang of the car door slamming shut echoes for miles in every direction. There are no birds singing, no insects chittering, nothing to signify that there might be life around them. There is also no red liquid, so the beacon of hope remains lit. Alex pauses as he approaches the front door, staring at it for a long while before he's able to make any kind of move. He flinches when Bobby reaches for the door from behind him, pushing it gently until it swings open. "I'll go first." He whispers.  
  
Alex follows his lead inside, passed the laundry room and into the kitchen, where the light originates from. There are two big red splashes on the floor, only discernible from the fact that they mass of each is far enough apart to denote that the rest of it has pooled and moved around to combine into one. Alex feels a bit of air escape his chest, but he makes no sound. He simply stares at the puddles, it's all he can do. Is this his mother and father? Is this what has become of him?   
  
"Who's there?" They hear a voice from the other side of the wall. Appearing from the darkened hallways, Alex recognizes the long blond hair of his mother immediately. He starts to move toward her, but stops a moment later. Her skin seems to hang from her face, like it's not attached quite right. Her eyes look as though they might sink back into her brain and the way she stands might make them mistake her for a broom that's lost it's axis. Bobby holds his hand out and Alex takes it instinctively, watching his mother stumble toward them. "Alex? Is that you?"  
  
"Mom?" Alex asks.   
  
She reaches out for him, the tips of her fingers slowly turning to goo. Though Alex feels his body moving backward out of terror, Bobby holds him there by the hand, refusing to budge as the woman approaches. "I was so worried about you-" Her voice gargles like she's underwater. Another step forward and she tumbles to the ground on her knees, her head hanging down toward the floor.   
  
"Mom, is that dad?" Alex asks, pointing to the puddles on the ground. She nods, not looking up to them. "Who is that?"  
  
Alex shifts his finger to the other distinct puddle in the kitchen. He hears his mother breathe in a long labored breath before speaking again. "Liam-"  
  
Alex shoots backward, unable to concentrate. The lives he'd seen in his dreams flash before him again, all of them seemingly devoid of Liam. He sees them all, lives through them in an instant, but he's not there. He's never there. This is the only version of his life where he's done what he's done. "Why was Liam here, Mom?"  
  
Stepping forward, Alex starts to approach his mother, but he's held in place once more by Bobby. "Why was Liam here, Mom?!"  
  
"I know what- He did- To you-" Her words sound like they're travelling through a thousand miles of muck and grim to make it out of her mouth. Even though they can't see her face, both boys can tell that her mouth is not sitting right on her face. Her body is rapidly deteriorating, and Alex doesn't understand why. He doesn't understand why any of this is happening. Seeing his mother like this, fading away, unable to escape her body; it tears him apart. "I'm- Sorry-"  
  
Silence.  
  
Alex's heart feels like it'll pop out of his chest. It bangs so hard against the cage keeping it back, he's sure that Bobby can hear it. "Alex," Bobby whispers. "Say something."  
  
No words come to his mind. Nothing makes it through the fog of delusion permeating his brain. There's nothing he can say to her that will make any of this right. There's no magic words that will reverse the gallons of his father and Liam on the ground. "You knew?" Is all he can muster. He watches her head shake up and down intangibly, a bobble on top of a doll that's only connected by a plastic stick. "Why didn't you- Why didn't you say anything?!"  
  
  
"Scared-" She bleeps, her head hanging further and further down. "Couldn't- Believe I had- We had- We didn't- Protect you"  
  
Suddenly, the light parts the clouds that permeate his mind. His mind drifts back to the day he had come home from the scouts, dazed and confused and unable to remember the trip. He remembers his father yelling, his mother holding him against her chest. He remembers Liam being invited over once, and his father saying something to him that made him turn tail and run. Everything from that time is so hazy.   
  
"He- Hurt you- You- Were so- Young-" Alex releases Bobby's hand and drops to his knees, taking his mother's face in his hands. "We didn't- Know what- To do-"  
  
Her eyes look as through they'll fall out of her body any second. Alex holds back tears as he dips her head in his hands. "Mom," he looks at her, taking in the picture of her from when she was still alive. Not this carcass that parades around. "I forgive you."  
  
In an instant, she's healed. Her body back together, skin taut and blemish free. She smiles at him, her soft blond hair framing her perfect, blushing face. Alex smiles back at her, pulling her in for a hug before she disappears, red splash covering Alex's face and chest.   
  
He stares down at his hands for a long second, the mucous-like liquid dripping off his hands. There's a pause while the world readjusts, the feeling of falling hitting his stomach again.  
  
He screams.   
  
He screams until his lungs ache and his body hurts. He screams until there's no air left in his blood and his brain begs him to stop a second to breathe. He screams until Bobby pulls him into his arms for comfort, pressing his still wet body against his chest.   
  
Bobby pulls them both into the bathroom, helping Alex get undressed from the mess of now red clothing he's soaked in. He starts the shower before undressing himself and pulling Alex inside. It's happening again, the tear in power that happens every time someone disappears. He can feel it in his heart, somewhere deeper than just his chest. He can feel it in his brain and in his eyes and in the tips of his fingers like he's about to get struck by lightning. It's fewer and farther between now, more than ever, and less so when Bobby is near him.   
  
He sits on the bathroom floor while Bobby finishes drying his body before getting another towel to work on Alex. He can't bring himself to focus longer than a moment, but every moment of clarity is a break from the storm still raging in his body.  
  
"Hey," Bobby whispers. "Do you have clothes here?"  
  
Alex nods, lifting a hand toward the room at the end of the hall from the bathroom. Bobby leaves, appearing a moment later with a few items of clothing. He starts to dress Alex, but the blond stands of his own volition and dresses. His body feels drained and heavy, but not completely devoid of ability just yet. Slipping the large sweater over his head, he's shocked to see Bobby still naked. "Here-" Alex reaches for a shirt he hadn't put on in the pile offered to him. "Put this on. Whatever else you need, just- Take it."  
  
Bobby hears the fatigue in his voice and chooses not to argue. He slips on what's immediately available before leading Alex by the hand back to the bedroom. Alex offers no fight when he's sat on the bed, and even less so when Bobby crawls in and lays down. He pulls the blond into him, wrapping his arms around him. They lay together in the bed for a long while.   
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"No."  
  
They sit in silence until they both drift off to sleep.   
  
  
  



End file.
